Sugared Harpy

My son is sitting beside me working on his math. This is the stream coming out of his mouth:

Stupid.
I hate math.
Why don’t they just teach you how to use a calculator and be DONE
This is dumb.
Stupid and dumb.
I hate this.
I don’t even like math, why are we doing this.
I mean, it’s not like I do anything with it.
YOU don’t do anything with it.
I hate doing this.
Stupid.
Math is dumb.
God, Mom.
I hate it.
I still think it’s stupid.
I’ll always hate this.
Mmmhhhmmm, this is dumb.
I like this song, but I hate this math.
Sigh. Moan. Ughhh, I hate this.
Stupid math.
I’m going to burn this.
Burn the book.
It’s horrible.
GOD.

And then he finished it.

(He. finished. it. Try that, public school.)

Okay, you guys, even though some days are super tough this homeschooling thing can be so much fun. I totally thought we’d kill each other but it’s been really nice to have Daniel around. I like him around so much that I feel bad Brett isn’t here more.

(Brett does not want to be here more.)

Today was one of those days I realized how nice it is to see him more. See, he wants his friends over after they get out of school, so guess who is extra super special on top of his schoolwork? While he is working hard on math (for once), he looks up at the television that is on super low volume and just kind of running because we forgot about it. I’m working, he’s working, no one is paying attention. Until this moment, anyway.

Daniel says, “MOM, CHANGE THE CHANNEL IMMEDIATELY. DO NOT LOOK AT IT.”

Uh, okay? So I do and ask that the devil that was about. He tells me that Andrew Zimmer show was on, the “Bizarre Foods” one and with my queasiness at wads and slabs of meat products, he didn’t want me to accidentally see anything there.

Awwwwww.

Today at Target, I bought these boots:

Daniel looked very uncomfortable as I was trying them on. Then, I was like yes, I’m buying them. I’m tired of walking through giant puddles at school and getting my feets wet. Daniel was suddenly very, very uncomfortable! I was like, WHAT???

Are they ugly?
NO.

Are they just wrong?
NO.

What is it?

Seriously, what is it?

Turns out, they are too “sexy” for his mama to wear!

Goodness.

(A true email just sent out)

Subject: Best Choice Thrive program and my son’s reaction

Dear Principal 1 and Principal 2,

My son, Brett, attended the Best Choice Thrive program today and came home very upset and personally offended. It seems the program felt to him that sex before marriage was not only a negative, but was possibly the worst thing one could do for their life, health, and safety. He also cited examples presented in which someone had sex before marriage and then joined a gang, or that sex with a smoker could kill you. In addition, he felt quite offended to hear the program administrators say that teenage parents only ever have a horrible life and that when he asked, was told, no, there are no other outcomes. This was offending to him because his parents, his father and I, were teenage parents and his father is a police officer encouraged to go for detective and I am a college art history instructor. Brett lives the alternate outcome, he knows he was chosen and is loved and his family is successful in society. He came home angry and upset to the point of tears. He felt like his and his brother’s presence were considered horrible and a problem by this program. He felt he was being told that sex is scary and dangerous until marriage, when apparently and magically, all physical and emotional concerns go away.

I understand the base concerns the program was trying to address, sex while young/unprepared can be harmful but the “before marriage” angle is generally a religious one. In addition, teenage pregnancy and parenting IS harder and I would not encourage it. However, I would never have given permission for him to be given scare tactics and misinformation. Our children deserve to be educated and protected with honesty.

Please allow Brett to stop attending the Best Choice Thrive program immediately.

All my best,
Melissa

My son, who six months ago thought he just “couldn’t” do school work, just read me an entire page of Latin…in English.

He just READ out loud in English as he translated the Latin words. A page! It was nuts.

What a nice thing to see on his fabulous FIFTEENTH BIRTHDAY!!!

We ordered our wedding cake from HERE.

MMMmmmmmmm.

Etsy sellers OneReverie, MeadowBelleMarket, and SweetGrassMill will make your wedding a thousand times better.

In other news, baby Alex and baby Miles are doing just fine. More than fine. Those baby boys are mighty awesome.

Because my sister’s twelve year old daughter sure did!!!

Because her mama, my sister Lindy had herself a baby!

Meet Alexander Lee, born at NINE pounds, TWELVE ounces.

He’s super healthy, and beautiful, and all ours. Congratulations, Lindy, Jason, and Ashley!! This boy was wanted for a long time. We’re all so happy he’s here.

Why yes, my two teenage boys are watching “Tinkerbell” on their own, no sisters around. They actually are enjoying themselves here! They’re even debating the way fairies are made (baby giggles) and the history of Tinkerbell’s life. They have deemed that Wendy is a boring character, but the fairies DO something and are interesting.

I love this, that they don’t even think not to watch it here. Now at their dad’s, they’d be ridiculed because he’s a dick like that sometimes. But Daniel says he gets around this by asking his six year old sister, “Hey, wanna watch “Tinkerbell”? He looks like an amazing big brother (he is), and gets to get in his happy, pretty cartoon fix.

I love mothering boys.

So, I have this you know, KID, who is hell bent on failing 8th grade. Well, why wouldn’t you when you’ve lagged behind and the class has moved on, when you already have had a difficult time from kindergarten to now, the curriculum has gotten harder, and your teachers are asking you why you are even trying anymore (seriously). And when your guidance counselor tells you that you are going to fail, you believe her. And you’re probably depressed, shutting down, and feel you have no worth. I understand, even though he maddens me, why my son is failing.

I think, in part, he’s been failed.

I’m about to pull him out of school for the remainder of the year and homeschool him.

I have always done some form of homeschooling every summer…with varying results. I even wrote about it a while ago on DotMoms! About how I SUCK AT IT.

I should totally try that again, right? With a different curriculum plan and a different mindset? I kind of think the boy and me having nothing to lose here.

I just need to update you on a few thousand things. Because I know you are on the edge of your RSS feed, waiting for words from me to drip into your parched mouths…ahem.

Daniel had a huge three day migraine, learned that he enjoys moaning for 40 hours at a time with no hope of birthing anything at all, shunning lifegiving food, and then staying home sick today as well without a migraine due to waking up puking in the same bowl he’s thrown up in all last week.

Brett turned 13!

Eileen, Scott’s daughter and my precious wecious new girl child, is 17!

They graciously shared a birthday party together so my family could arrive once and hand over presents.

I made each of them a personal, triple layer cake with ridiculous candles that leaned this way or that. Chocolate for Brett; Strawberry for Eileen.

Cupcakes are the greatest idea for birthday parties ever, I never knew this and now I feel stupid. You just set them out, people eat them, and you have no need to SERVE your guests or cut a cake. Win!

I’m teaching too many classes compared to time in a day; and probably not enough for my bank account. Adjuncting is losing some charm.

Next semester, I’m going to be struggling to get enough classes to pay bills. Why can’t I just have ENOUGH but not TOO MUCH? Or be supported financially with no expectations of knowing how I spend that money?

I want to write a memoir of my childhood. Partially because it was not normal, partially to help organize my thoughts about it and possibly move past some things. Also, I think while my childhood wasn’t representative of kids growing up in the 80s, I’ll bet some parts of it were. Selfish time for adults and parents are adults, you see. Lots more divorced families. A nutty, shifting time. So maybe you (Scott) had an idyllic childhood; my sister, Anne, and I were definitely wondering when someone was going to allow us to eat and if we could please leave the locked basement now. Or wondering when my mother would put on some underwear and stop vacuuming to Prince, because it’s 4am and we’re awfully tired. Or why God WHY do we have to watch our moms make out with random guys on the couch and play quarters off their naked breasts in front of 50 people at our house. And, seriously, Dad? It’s a book I think would be pretty funny, too.

Scott and I discuss getting married and I have made it clear that the onus of a proposal in on him. Mainly because he has a history with me of being wishy washy and then one day, all on board. He’s great, we’re great, but you know, I’m waiting, waiting, waiting for him to decide he doesn’t want to get married after all and choose differently and I want him to have that out. He says he is NOT going to do that, but you know, this is the first time I haven’t felt trapped in a relationship and the first time I WANT to get married for the sake of nothing else but love and I care deeply about it. We’ve already made a $200,000 commitment in this house here but there is something still to being a spouse versus a girlfriend. I love this man so much, so deeply, so much it’s freaking me out sometimes and I feel loved, genuinely loved for me that I am just waiting for it to go stupid on me.

On a positive note, I feel genuinely loved. Sweetly, positively, happily.