Sugared Harpy

I can’t say enough good things about this past year. It’s been mighty difficult, I’ve had to do A LOT of soul searching/thinking/digging on many issues that I’ve either allowed myself to play the victim, swept under some 400 knot per inch mental rug, or didn’t really know how I stood in the first place. Handling a (super fast) growing teenager who doesn’t enjoy academics, living in a house I loved and hated, and dealing with a sensitive tween, plus learning about love in a way that was (and sometimes still is) unfamiliar to me has been hard.

But good.

Really, really good.

I’m learning how to listen better. To my kids. To my partner. Ultimately, to me. I started listening to my sister and how she handled her tween daughter and realized it applied a lot to Daniel and his issues. She said, “We’re gonna be BEST FRIENDS to her daughter. We’re gonna spend hella time together until we’re okay.” And you know what? It worked well. Instead of either flailing or getting angry or not dealing at all (dissociation, anyone?) I watched her and copied her like a bitch.

“Hello, Daniel. We’re gonna be BESTIES until we’re okay.”

We’re not okay yet, but it’s working. Every day after school, he gets to spend time with me at the kitchen table. Together, we do his homework and if he conveniently forgets his homework, OH HAI INTERNETS, we do togetherness Mama homework. He seems to feel supported, I’m less frustrated, we’re actually having a good time and his grades are creeping upward.

I also started listening to Brett more, but then realizing that I’m the Mama and need to change some things. At our house of three, it was more than easy to let Brett slip into the “baby” of the house. But I realized as we were gearing up to living in a house of five, that this is actually an issue that’s stunting him. He’s always been sensitive to change, but he was actually starting to just break down instead of handling it. He needs to learn how to find ways to soothe himself, find ways to garner some comfort in a new situation. He also needed to learn how to ASK for help, instead of breaking down and requiring it. Asking for help is hard to learn how to do. I’m not quite there myself. But we’re talking about it, and it seems to be making him more confident. It’s hard for me not to baby him, but to have him learn to tell me what he needs in a calm way. It’s better for all of us, though.

I’m learning how to be good to my partner. I’m trying to listen to him as much as I am trying to get my point across. I think for a long time it was me grasping to get across what I wanted or needed, and not really getting that I can’t change someone else. I can change me only. But I can learn to better pinpoint, then say directly, what parts I need help with from him. I’m learning how to be normal…as I can be anyway. And I’ve realized that I don’t want to change him. I love him as he is; he seems to feel the same and happily takes me in as I am.

Don’t let this sound like I have things figured out, though. I don’t. But I’m trying, failing, trying again. I’m happy. I’ve got a lot of happy here.

This past year, some (a lot of) stuff has happened around here. Here’s 2008 in posts:

January: A book I contributed to was published.

February: I fell in love and it made me go nutty

March: I reminded you about Michelangelo’s tits. Because I can’t let that go.

April: I clearly noted that Brett was getting a tad clingy and encouraged it. Well, sometimes they just need that and sometimes it just makes them under confident. Who knows.

May: I let Daniel fly a plane. I cried, but didn’t pass out. He smiled for weeks.

June: My laptop died, I bought a new one. And gifted you with some Badu, you know we all needed it.

July: I dyed my hair purple (instead of the pink I sported all the rest of the year) and then showed you my underwear. I blogged that purple hair day by day. I’m sorry.

August: I joined a local food sharing group and loved it. I definitely think harder now about where food is coming from and how much better it tastes when it hasn’t ripened in the inside of a smelly truck.

September: My cousin passed away.

October: My boyfriend and I decided to buy a house together! So much talking ensued.

November: And then we did. Living together has been the easiest thing we’ve done.

December: Love is good.

Happy, happy, happy new year!

Really, what do you guys do if you are throwing a party? Tips? Menu ideas that allow you to actually be in the party, and not in the kitchen?

We ARE excited though, this house is built for people. We can’t wait to have them all here! If you live close by, email me!

Thank you for your camaraderie on my last post…really, it’s sanity saving. I hope to get back with all of you shortly!

In the meantime, I want to wish you a little holiday love (edited love that is, to remove some personal information). This is a modified version of the moving announcements we sent out, made by Tiny Prints.

From our house to yours…

There has been a lot of love and happiness already in this house. I hope the same for yours.

Happy Holidays!

So, we’ve been in this house for two weeks. I have already flashed the neighbors my boobs through an open window. At night. When the light inside was on.

That took longer than I thought.

Oh, thank heavens that after all this hoohaa with bank (still) losing our documents, a push and pull with the sellers, and an uncomfortable walk through where the seller was a little huffy (not about us, I don’t think, but I don’t think she wanted to move ever and her husband’s job did)…we closed on our house!!

We have a key. We can’t go in until 4pm as it states on our contract. FOUR PM is killing me.

I can’t wait!!!

Thankfully, oh so thankfully on this thankfullish holiday, all three kids get to be here to walk in with us together. Family style.

1. No word on where our financial documents are. Supposedly, they’re still one of the several branches of this bank since it was an in-house courier who last had it. I do not feel confident. Shockingly.

2. Craigslist is awesome and irritating all at once. Please buy my stuff, more of it. And don’t bring it back for god’s sake, why on earth did you bring that mattress BACK to my house! Also, adopt my cats.

3. Speaking of cat adoption. That is going assingly. If you put your pets up on Craigstlist, you’ll get approximately 3498574398674832 emails regarding shipping your cat to Maine or Botswana or Latvia for your cut of one million rupees. No one will actually be a nice family who would like a pretty cat.

4. I would like our house now. I would also like someone to pack up my house, I’ve packed three boxes and I’m exhausted.

5. If you are my boyfriend. HAHAHAHA. You are now financially bound with me.

It’s really hard to buy a house when since November 4th, you’ve been sending and resending documents to your bank. Finally on November 14th, you just hand ‘em all over in person.

And then they lose them.

And then you find out today, when your loan was supposed to be approved three days ago.

You can sign another extension on the contract, and you will.

But damn…I REALLY wonder who has our very private information and why doesn’t my bank have their shit together.

You know you want it. November 26, it’s OURS OURS OURS!

There’s a nice big window in the dining room where the kids can stare at the closed pool until summer.

We found a house. A GORGEOUS house. I just know this is OUR house.

And we put in an offer…now we wait.

Am not good at waiting.

UPDATE:

They countered! Now we’re counter-countering!!

UPDATE UPDATE

WE GOT IT!!!!

Hello! Busy! Blog?

Pre-approved for home loan, yo.

Good buyer’s agents?