Archive for May, 2008
Sexy Mama
My kids’ friends just came over and this time the boys let them in the house.
So I had to zip up my pants instead of letting my belly sit naked in my lap.
HAHAHAHAHA
Victoria’s Secret keeps sending me emails about how badly they want to see me in a TRIANGLE BIKINI.
I’m clutching my belly fat rolling in laughter!
Lay off, VS. Srsly.
Family Tree of a Modern Child
As NB and I continue on this little journey and sometimes discuss what’s next, we have noticed something. Our kids have a lot of unexpected siblings.
Daniel and Brett have Sister 1 and Sister 2 at their dad’s. Add in NB’s daughter, E, let’s say. Even if we aren’t living together *yet* nor […]
Dear Old Navy, Jesus Christ.
I noticed something odd the last time I was at the Old Navy nearest me. I didn’t think much of it, thought maybe it was temporary even.
No.
It wasn’t.
They seem to have permanently removed the plus size women’s section from the stores. I know this because I went online today and lo:
Check […]
Posted by Melissa on May 19th, 2008 under Observations | 6 Comments »Seventh Grade Boys
Seventh grade boys like:
Throwing tomatoes at people
Leather objects
Hammering things
Buckets of water spilling on people
JOUSTING
Yeah, at the Renaissance Faire field trip, I learned that what seventh grade boys like most is violence.
Selfish Bastard
Note: this is a rant. It may or may not make a lick of sense.
Hello, I am a selfish bastard but at this moment, I’m not exactly feeling apologetic about it.
Like most women, I have usually been a hell of a lot less selfish than I should have been. And right […]
We went
So we went to NB’s family gathering for Mother’s Day.
We walked in, and immediately Brett is off in a corner, crying. AWESOME.
Turns out, his cousin has an enormous dog and I forget (because I win Motherhood) that Brett is really scared of big dogs. This dog is named SUMO. So introductions are […]
On boyfriends
Once you have made the realization that this guy - the one you are sleeping with - the one you’re spending nearly every day with and hey, actually like - is your boyfriend, you have set a whole lot of shit in motion.
Specifically, a relationship.
We didn’t MEAN to start one. We MEANT to get […]
Shockingly, I didn’t pass out
My dad, notoriously in love with things that transport people, is currently into planes. And has friends that are into planes. Who fly planes. Who wanted to take my son on a plane. Their plane. Their tiny, itty bitty plane.
I LET HIM.
I couldn’t tell a thirteen year old […]
Posted by Melissa on May 6th, 2008 under Spawn | 6 Comments »Enabling Kimblahg to stalk me
I rent my house, right. So the yard has been attended to by renters for some years before me. Meaning, it’s about as hard as brick and just as hospitable to plants. It sometimes unveils rocks.
So I pot.
This is hanging from the giant tree in my front/back yard. (See it’s really […]
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