warning, depressing
Wednesday, December 26th, 2007My last two days were awful. I’m sorry to report it, but they were. However, do not feel bad if you had fun, complained about your hectic days, or anything. I’ve had them all and probably bitched too!
I didn’t get drunk, but lo, that was hard not to try. I decided to stay away from over consuming anything but bed and pajamas and movies.
I learned that instead of roughly six hours with the kids, I got three. They left all day, came home and slept, they got up, opened presents from me, slept for two hours, left again, came home, back to bed. Today they are here, but gearing up to play outside with friends.
And you know what? It’s not their job to keep mama happy. That’s mama’s job, and she’s sucking at it right now.
I just feel down. Down, down, down. It’s hard for me to shake it and I’m not sure when I will. I’m tired because I can’t stay asleep, I’m shutting down inside, yet I’m needy.
I don’t know why this year is hitting me so hard. I’m guessing it’s because last year, my first Christmas after separation, I was moving into a new house and therefore, busy. This year, not moving, not busy. Alone.
I know I’m wallowing in self pity, I know I’m feeling so so sorry for myself. But I’m having a really hard time shaking it.
I do not want to be someone’s bitch for a few days while I sort this out. I want to be wrapped up in love and attention.
Ha.




