The High Performance Tampon
Isn’t THIS just a regular tampon?
How is it performing uh, higher, than normal? Does a regular tampon only work so-so but hey, they’ve really made this one absorb menstrual blood. Doesn’t it just do what it’s supposed to in the first place? Didn’t they tell us that we could run, swim, and frolick on the beach with the regular tampons?
Dear regular tampons (Tampax, but I really need to bite the bullet and get chemical-free somethings) and Instead cups…I heart you. You are all the performance I need.
Does anyone take Loestrin? What do you know about it, does it make you crazy and ruin your sex drive? A girl is curious.
This posting is also not about my marriage, but ha…I’m making you think about your vagina. This is maybe post #59 in which I give you nothing. You’re welcome.
Posted by Melissa on November 13th, 2006 under Flaming Ovaries, Melancholia
November 13th, 2006 at 1:22 pm
OOOH, Loestrin is the “new” pill I’m on! But I’m going to go on a lower Loestrin in a week. This one DID give me the bigger boobs I’ve always dreamed of but I haven’t had my period in three months (which I have NO problem with) and I’m taking on more water than the Titanic did (seriously, it’s up to EIGHT pounds now and I’m on prescription diuretics). It also made me break out so they’re switching me to another. My moods were MUCH better but it took the usual 2 months or so for that all to even out.
November 13th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
PS - Oooh, sorry, the sex drive is as high as ever! No problems there!!
November 13th, 2006 at 1:33 pm
No fair! E has a 20 year old boyfriend!!
I saw the commercial for the “Sport Edition” tampon and was like, WTF??? Does that mean I’ll be able to play tennis? Cause I couldn’t before…..
November 13th, 2006 at 1:50 pm
I bought the “sport” tampons, because they are supposed to be shorter than regular tampons. They are, but they also leak like none other. I have, issues, with tampons being way too long and bumping my cervix all the damn time, which triggers cramping, and even more of a bad week. I saw these in the store, tried them, and each and every one leaked. They almost seemed to make a channel for things to bypass the tampon and just head straight for the exit.
Back to regular tampons, and many doses of midol and ibuprofen each month.
November 13th, 2006 at 2:02 pm
Oh my, Roseann. I would hate the cervix-bumping but leaky tampons are horrible too. Have you tried something cup-like? I can’t wear them exclusively, something about me not ever figuring out how to take them out without spilling, but I can alternate them with tampons. The Diva cup looks smaller than Insteads, eh, I dunno.
Huh, no where in that weird advertising did I figure out that they were shorter than regular tampons. They look kind of like obs!
November 13th, 2006 at 4:12 pm
actually, you made me think about YOUR vagina.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*must think about kittens and chocolate!!! must think about kittens and chocolate!*
I don’t need to think about other vajayjays. I have enough going on in my own to worry about. Wait….that came out wrong. My vagina is fine. As far as I know.
OMG TOO MUCH VAGINA TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 13th, 2006 at 4:40 pm
I am afraid of the words “high performance” and “tampon” together. That’s some delicate tissue down there. I would not like it to be sucked off or something.
And no, I don’t mean that the dirty, fun way.
November 13th, 2006 at 5:27 pm
Thinking about Cyndi’s and Sara’s vaginas…being sucked off…
must think about kittens and chocolate must think about kittens and chocolate!!!!
Seriously, kittens and chocolate? ha~
November 13th, 2006 at 8:17 pm
I noticed ads for these Uber-tampons this past week. The phrase that really turned me off was the “360 degree protection” thing. I started thinking of tracing my cervix with a compass and shoving the tampon in to the center, then making sure it reached its appointed diameter. What does it do? Adhere itself to your “inner walls” and create a vacuum-tight seal? Maybe there’s a button to push on the applicator that shoots it up in there and activates the opening mechanism, like an umbrella?
November 13th, 2006 at 10:38 pm
Yeah… Those cup things… How would you take it out without spilling it all over?
Today I saw a douche with the name “Sweet Love.” WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS THAT FOR A DOUCHE?
It will probably show up on a post in the coming weeks.
November 13th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
Husband just asked what I was laughing about, and I told him about your post and the comments. “Well of course they have to make sport tampons,” he said authoritatively, “otherwise they would fly out when you were exercising.”
If anyone would like to load up a non-sport tampon and fire it at my husband you may feel free.
November 14th, 2006 at 8:59 am
Yeah, I’m wondering how anyone manages the cup things. I’m all thumbs, I wouldn’t even want to take my clumsiness to that level!
November 14th, 2006 at 6:34 pm
This doesn’t make me think about my vagina (since I don’t have one) but it does make me think about yours
November 15th, 2006 at 8:42 am
“They would fly out while you were exercising”???? Sorry, this one had me doubled over laughing…. Now there’s a man who hasn’t got a clue as to how this whole thing works! Sometimes it feels like I need a crowbar to get the damned thing out…
November 16th, 2006 at 11:14 am
“360 degree protection” Hmmm, doesn’t a regular tampon do that?
I cannot use those cup things. I was so excited when they first came out and they leaked everywhere on me! (I had the spilling while removing issue too.) I must be a freak with an abnormally shaped vagina or something.
Geez, thanks for making me type vagina twice in one day! LOL!
November 16th, 2006 at 5:13 pm
It looks normal to me but what the hell do I know about it?
Cyndi, your use of the word “vajayjays” inspires me to link my own vagina-word-post for your reading pleasure… http://fiddley.com/archive/200611/guh_lossary
November 17th, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Those sport tampons suck! Roseann hit the nail on the head with her statement: “They almost seemed to make a channel for things to bypass the tampon and just head straight for the exit.” The same thing just happened to me at work…thank god for a pantyliner.
I printed the $2.50 off coupon after I read about them here and thought I ‘d give them a try since Target had them on sale for $3.50. At least when I pitch them in the trash I’ll only have lost a $1.00.
November 18th, 2006 at 2:34 am
The shade of neon green the tampons appear in on the website you link to makes me think of radioactivity or aliens. I am not too keen on shoving something radioactive up my poonanie, nor anything from another planet, as I have enough health problems already.
November 21st, 2006 at 4:00 pm
don’t you love the way tampon and pad adverts always demonstrate their super duper absorbancy using a BLUE liquid? cos blue is the opposite of RED as anyone knows, and there’s no way they want to put us in mind of anything … well … you know UNPLEASANT or YUCKY
March 11th, 2008 at 1:07 am
I know I’m commenting on an entry a bazillion years old, but I just stumbled onto your blog, and ZOMG CUPS!! Not Insteads, those suck, they’re impossible to open/position. I have a DivaCup and it’s the greatest invention in the history of the UNIVERSE. Get one. Your vag will love you.
No need to think about chocolates and kittens… I LOVE talking about my vag. *grin*