Dialup Hurts Me To My Very Core
I’m ordering DSL tomorrow for my mama’s house. Because dear god, I think I’m actually bleeding internally from waiting, waiting, waiting.
I say, “Go here, Internets!” It gives me: blink. blink blink. ???
I say, “Go forth! Tally Ho!” It rolls over and whines.
I say, “Motherfuckermoveitohmygodwhatinthedevilsnameiswrongwithyou!” It just gives a sigh and dies.
Then, in the bleary moment of death, the angel of Internet mercy shines upon me and a ha! The beginnings of a webpage! Without images! Or wallpapers! My own site looks like ass!
More waiting.
Finally after god knows how long, the whole thing appears and guess what? No new comments and now I want to visit your blogs…and a little piece of me dies each time I tell the browser, “Go here, Internets…please please please?”
Choke kill maim CRY.
In other news, my mother’s boyfriend is also here. Sitting in the kitchen table, whilst my mother makes him French Toast and coffee at one in the afternoon*. He gives off a loud grunt and sigh about every 30 seconds. I may just choke him instead.
*Oh wait, I just got French Toast too. Score!
Posted by Melissa on October 22nd, 2006 under Blah, It's back! Mater Dolorosa
October 22nd, 2006 at 1:56 pm
go on - do a grunt and a sigh. you know you want to!
October 22nd, 2006 at 8:49 pm
I could put up with just about anything for Mom’s French Toast….
October 23rd, 2006 at 10:11 am
You need a hug. Tell your Mom to HUG YOU. Also, come here. You need a comment.
October 23rd, 2006 at 11:29 am
Can I have some french toast too?
My mother hardly ever made french toast for us….
don’t be selfish, hand it over.
October 23rd, 2006 at 12:41 pm
He grunts? GRUNTS? Lord.
October 24th, 2006 at 8:47 am
Yeah, I can’t ever believe that anyone still has dial up and then I go to my parents’ house and between the aol and the dialup I’m insane by the time I leave.
Here’s to new DSL!
October 24th, 2006 at 10:40 am
You know… You could strangle him with the internet cable.
God, even our DSL line is slower than shit. So I hope DSL works for you.
October 24th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Does your mom at least have cable? Can you at least still watch The Daily Show? I ask because I thought of you last night when I choked on my beverage. The graphic/title was something like “Crisis in Congress’ Pants.” I can’t remember exactly what it was now; bear in mind that I was asleep a mere ten minutes later. There was an image of some guy in suit pants from the waist down, with a sparkly little hot spot moving all around the zipper area.
Totally made me think of your masthead.
October 25th, 2006 at 1:32 am
My parents also have dial up AOL and it drives me up the wall. Last time I was there, I searched for a wifi signal that I could “borrow.” Have you tried that? In my case, it didn’t work, as only one neighbor seemed to emit wifi and this person password protected it. Oh well. Good luck.