The Stoic Cracks
You may recall that Mike and I are going to attempt the art of doing it to conceive. I’m overfuckingjoyed and a wee bit obsessed, not because I’m baby obsessed but because my personality is one in which I obsess in general. It’s why I like my work, it’s career-sanctioned obsessing.
Mike is a stoic. I hate it. This is typical of a baby-centered conversation in our house:
Me: OMG! I totally won this childbirth multi-media kit from Cool Mom Picks!! Now we don’t have to sit next to stupid young lovebirds having their first luvmuffinbabydustedembie. The ones who don’t realize their ass is going to be handed to them in a few months. And, that they will lose their shit.
Mike: You’re not pregnant.
Me: I will be, motherfucker. See plan:
Mike: Yeah, but you’re not yet.
Me: I hate you.
Mike also likes to pretend that our babymaking endeavors are five years away and we have all this time to think about it, when CLEARLY there is no more time left and we haven’t lost any weight and are you taking enough vitamins and shouldn’t you at least Google this and why haven’t we bought any books yet? Motherfucker.
This is not a good way to reassure your wife that you really do want to have another baby:
Me: Seriously, are you excited or not? Why don’t you even want to talk about it constantly like I do?
Mike: I am excited.
Me: That does not sound convincing. I mean, no little tummy flip-flop when you think about it? Nothing?
Mike: I am excited. See. Excited.
Me: Stoic motherfucker.
I am pleased to announce that I have cracked the stoic exterior with a single pair of booties.
These booties:
In a previous life that ended about two years ago Mike thought it was super cool to wear socks with sandals. No matter how much we taunted, Mike would pull on his white socks and black sandals every day. Yes, even in the winter. With jeans. Or shorts. And a sweater.
So I’ve been meaning to send him a picture of these, to see if I would get the usual “you’re not pregnant yet,” where I would have to reply with my usual, “motherfucker.”
This morning I emailed him a picture of the sock/sandal booties circa Mike, 1990-2004, with this message:
This is what your baby will wear.
I received this reply (and please note how totally normal this response is):
Those are awesome.
Aw yeah, mofo’s ready to do it.
Posted by Melissa on July 25th, 2006 under Married Once, Twice, Whatever, That One Time I Thought About Conceiving
July 25th, 2006 at 5:04 pm
Way to get him excited!
July 25th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
Great booties! Tell him that you will do your best to insure that the baby will be born with the innate knowledge to cook a perfect steak. If that doesn’t get him excited, I think you’re out of luck.
July 25th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
They have little mary janes and saddle shoes and cowboy boots too!
Unfortunately, Stoic McNoEmotions does not like steak and would NOT extend that steak cooking ability to things like, say, chicken. However, my sister would be totally excited and possibly jealous.
July 25th, 2006 at 10:45 pm
You really hit on something there- every man has his sandals with socks. For my husband? Monkeys. Yes, monkeys. “Look Honey, we could dress our baby in this monkey onesie. Oh, and the monkey bib? It has the monkey sitting on a banana peel.”
Him: “Oh, hell yeah our kid is wearing that fucking monkey onesie with the bib.”
And then there was Hugo.
July 26th, 2006 at 9:19 am
Ooh, I feel like we can take just a wee bit of credit at CMP for helping further the baby plans. Let’s just call shopping our version of “babydust” (blech). Enjoy the CD Rom - and the babymakin’.
July 26th, 2006 at 10:42 am
Stephanie, ha! I love that!
July 26th, 2006 at 11:18 am
Why is it that women are the planners? The ones who get SO damned excited about things and men are so easy going and they’re idea of euphoric bliss is, “Yeah, I’m happy.” UGH!!!! BUT, we’re all excited for you so share with us and we’ll all jump for joy and with eager anticipation with you!
July 26th, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Yes, Liz, you can! The CD arrived and I\’m thrilled to get it.
Even the Stoic picked it up and read through the contents, I caught him in a brief moment of unabashed interest!
I adore Cool Mom Picks and I bookmark the stuff I love. Everyone else should, too.
July 26th, 2006 at 3:31 pm
Those Booties are hysterical! Too funny.
July 28th, 2006 at 9:43 pm
[…] Mike: * silence * […]
July 29th, 2006 at 9:30 pm
Those are the most awesome booties! Too bad my kids are teenagers now…but my daughter’s into Converse shoes. That’s enough shoe fun for now.
July 31st, 2006 at 4:21 pm
I love this post and I’m so happy our booties helped crack the resistance of pre-parenthood excitement! Within the next week, I’ll have a new version of the ‘Doc Martin’ style big black boot booties and our version of the Converse high top booties - appealing to a whole other demographic of soon to be dads. Thanks for the link!
July 31st, 2006 at 4:59 pm
You are so welcome! I love what you are doing at Mahar Drygoods, so smart and fun.
I’m already panting over the idea of the Doc Martins and the Converse high tops. Must. have. If those don’t crack the pre-parenthood resistance, I can’t imagine what will!