Google Smackdown Monday
Dear reader who found my blog whilst googling, “ladies pudenda,”
I see you are interested in ladies’ pudendas. First, let me help you with one thing. The word “ladies” in your phrase is in a state of possessiveness. You need a goddamn possessive apostrophe.
Ladies’
What you wanted was this: ladies’ pudenda.
Alternatively, if you only need one lady and her parts, then this: lady’s pudendum.
Amen.
But hey, what is a pudenda? Dictionary.com is a helpful little tool and everyone should employ it. That is, when I am not making love to it with my dear WordReference.com. Call it a wordy threesome if you like, but it is glorious. Dictionary.com tells us that a pudendum is the external genitalia, particularly of women. Futher examination with the good, yet remarkably graphic Wikipedia.com explains that pudendum equals vulva. In modern usage, pundendum and vulva are interchangable and without any negative connotation. I’ve used it; others use it. It seems okay.
However, there is more to this pudendum story.
The Latin gerund of pudre, to make or be ashamed, is pudendum. Other historical names and phrases for a woman’s vagina and vulva are “gentlemans pleasure garden,” “burning shame,” and “carnal trap.” Names for a man’s penis include “manhood,” “scepter, ” and “ramrod.”
Why does the genderless word pudendum refer particularly to women. Shame is attributed to women as a sexed characterization. Guess what else means “shame”? Wife. The word “wife” comes from the same root as pudendum, “ghwibh”, which means shame.
Mike is my husband. The root for husband is “bheueâ€, menaing “to be, exist, grow.†He gets to exist and grow and I am supposed to be in shame. I AM shame. Men learn, think, and are respected. Women are the embodiment of shame. Each by their very labels of “husband” and “wife.” Our state of getting/being married is directly linked to our external genitalia, which are both linked to manifesting shame.
So why are we calling ourselves “wives”? The original meaning has been stuffed and the word “wife” simply means the same as “partner.” But knowing the meanings for pudendum and wife, it’s hard to let it go.
Now, why were you, dear reader, googling for ladies’ pudenda? If it was for porn, I would read the above and think about that again. Is shame a part of porn? Yes. Is shame a part of what bakes your cookie? I have no clue. Perhaps you were just interested in what a damn pudendum was in the first place, seeing the word used only for women’s body parts.
No matter what you were looking for, I assume it wasn’t for this discussion of etymology. You are very welcome.
Sincerely,
Melissa
18 Responses to “Google Smackdown Monday”
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July 3rd, 2006 at 2:50 pm
LOL - that is one google search I have very blessidly not been subjected to.
July 3rd, 2006 at 5:53 pm
WordReference.com? Dare I cheat on my beloved Dictionary.com?
July 3rd, 2006 at 6:10 pm
That was really funny, AND I learned something at the same time.
July 3rd, 2006 at 7:02 pm
You are my joy today. Really. (I have been at home all day with two screaming tiny people.)(Because WIFE also seems to mean default caregiver when daycare is closed.)(What a shame.)
July 3rd, 2006 at 7:37 pm
Mamatulip, darling, you don’t cheat. You INCLUDE. Have your cake and eat it, too. Have yourself a wild threesome with the two, have them open in two browsers AT ONCE.
July 4th, 2006 at 8:03 am
This is precisely why I am having my (come October) husband sign a prenup stating he shall refer to me as his queen, his idol, his heroine, his warrior princess, his font of wisdom, or his badass mutha.
And if that Googler was looking for porn by using “ladies pudenda,” he was clearly a virgin Classics/archaeology student who plays too much World of Warcraft.
Why did the Latin-speaking peoples render the female titles and names for naughty bits as genderless? They didn’t want to get too physically/emotionally involved because they forsaw the invention of the dildo, rendering their bits obsolete.
July 4th, 2006 at 10:27 am
“Badass mutha” sounds so much better than “baby mama.” I like it.
I also, I must confess, really like the fact that someone came searching for “ladies pudenda.” For some reason, though, yes, it does need an apostrophe, it makes me think of a department store fo the Are You Being Served? era. “On the first floor you will find ladies’ shoes, ladies’ accessories, cosmetics, menswear. On the second floor, children’s active and formal wear, better menswear, and better ladies’ dresses. In the basement, bargain menswear, ladies’ wear, housewares, and children’s shoes, with a very nice lunchroom, incidentally, and then there’s also a whole section down there devoted entirely to ladies’ pudenda.”
July 5th, 2006 at 11:56 am
Obsolete bits, Badass mutha, department stores wih a section devoted to pudenda…
I’m laughing so hard I may pee a little over here!
July 5th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Okay. Can I say “f*ck” here? Because I really want to.
As in “You F*cking rock, Melissa.”
July 5th, 2006 at 7:11 pm
Thanks, Melanie!
And yes, you can always say fuck here. Always. I need to make a rule list that includes that.
July 5th, 2006 at 8:26 pm
Sweet holy moses. This made my day.
July 5th, 2006 at 8:30 pm
Melissa, You sound like a raving feminist! Men gave women a shameful name because men are naturally stronger than women thus giving them the ability to dominate them and call them what they want. Such as winch. Don’t be angry with men, Be angry with god. If you need more proof study Darwin. Luckily for woman chivalry came along. Ask Mike he’ll tell you!
Love, your future brother in law. By the way your sister is sleeping on the couch next to me. Blame her, she left the page up.
July 6th, 2006 at 7:16 am
I hope you all know he is kidding around or I would beat him into submission! haha!
July 6th, 2006 at 9:20 am
Jason, have you ever met me? Ever?
The word you were looking for is “wench.”
You are a nut!
July 6th, 2006 at 12:49 pm
Ha ha! She got you sucka! Ha ha!
July 6th, 2006 at 1:44 pm
[…] — I realize this is a bit exclusionary to those without children or pudenda. I apologize. I’ll soon do a post on tiny cakes for you. Because everyone loves tiny cakes. […]
February 8th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Interesting back-&-forth, Jason,I applaud you ’sticking up’ for the men (someone’s got to) & whilst the women happily encourage each other’s male-bashing (politically correct), you all so quickly overlook who always got rescued first, or got the life-boats when the ship was doomed, and who was expected to march off to wars to have arms & legs blown off & who got to stay at home by the fire w/ the kids. ie. Men had position in society, bad paid a huge price for that at the same time.
That Dept Store analogy would more accurately have 5 floors of women’s stuff & maybe one for men’s,ha ha, but seriously, perhaps why we’re all here is to learn to rise above ego, rather than just give in to petty revenge & blame ? Come on girls, we’re all in this together, there’s already enough war without a gender one as well !
viva la pudendum !
February 12th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Your pussy smells like… sniff, sniff, sniff… carpet cleaner.