Just Call DFS Right Now
My children are now sporting two whopping bruises. For the record, I did not give them the bruises directly but I did give them the Slip N’ Slide.
It would seem that I have children who take after my sister, Lindy, and me. Meaning, they do not play with toys as intended by the design and instructions. We turned our pink Big Wheels on their backs and “wheeled” with the hands in order to make pretend chocolate chip cookies to sell. We were always selling invisible stuff, man. We dug holes in our sandbox, all the way down, just to do it. Then we put the sand in the baby pool, royally pissing off Mom. There were blankets draped over ironing boards for tents, baby dolls with price tags on them lined up on the floor, and my little ponies taking it from behind on the dresser.
Ah, the gifts we give our children…
Today, after a period of time Daniel emerged sweating and beaming because he had put up the Slip N’ Slide all by himself. Any eleven-year-old would be proud of that accomplishment as it looks easy, but there are pegs to be shoved into the dirt at just the right distances to make the slide smooth, but not taut. A hidden hose nozzle threatens to ruin everything, but lo, he found it. And get this, our Slip N’ Slide is a double. A double!
I know, no good could have come from buying a double Slip N’ Slide but we threw caution to the wind and got the thing. At least we didn’t get the triple (it’s real, people).
So, the boys are slipping and sliding. Do you remember the Slip N’ Slide? Those bitches always hurt me. My elbows and knees and hipbones bruised in an instant. These are not the bruises my kids got. They effortlessly glide down the yellow and blue lanes over and over. At least, while I was watching them. When I went inside, it would seem the real fun began and the Slip N’ Slide only became one of the tools in a new game. A game that included Daniel arching his body over both lanes and Brett hauling his body down the Slip N’ Slide. Faster and faster and faster.
It ended badly.
They are my children, so not only are they using toys in ways never instructed, they are clumsy. At some point, Daniel slipped a little while Brett was hurtling down the lane and Brett’s nose crashed into Daniel’s foot. There was screaming. Brett may or may not have two black eyes by tomorrow, his nose looks swollen and bruised. What’s more disturbing is that Daniel’s foot is swollen and bruised, too. Meaning that, wow, Brett’s face hit him pretty hard.
In other news, the kitty is okay!
Posted by Melissa on June 14th, 2006 under Spawn
June 14th, 2006 at 6:07 pm
OH wow. You might have TWO er bills there!
June 14th, 2006 at 8:56 pm
The best part about slip and slide? The mud pit at the bottom…………
June 15th, 2006 at 11:19 am
I’m always so surprised that those things are still on the market. My brother had a Slip N’ Slide mishap ages ago, just as I’m sure most kids have. The teasing from his episode follows him to this day.
And a big YAY! for kitty being ok. I know how stressful it can be when the kitties are in pain.
June 15th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
My dad, whenever we’d do something especialy hazardous, would say to us, “You’re fixin’ to break, fall, and slip your neck.”
Whenever anyone mentions the Slip ‘n’ Slide to me, that’s the first thing I think.
“They’re fixin’ to break, fall and slip their necks.”
June 16th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
You are hilarious.
Don’t all kids do stuff like this? I had a colorful toy xylophone on wheels and a big, steep, rough-textured driveway. Naturally the xylophone swiftly became a skateboard, and yeah, baby, I rode it all the way to the bottom. You don’t want to know what that did to my knees. My mother was very angry when she discovered that my older siblings had “let” me do this.
Assigned listening on this topic (in case I haven’t “assigned” it before):
Gregory Maguire’s lecture “A Few Wicked Years”
Glad kitty has rallied!
June 16th, 2006 at 3:29 pm
Oh man! I remember the “Crash and Burn” I mean “Slip & Slide” from my childhood….
We had this little postage stamp sized fron “lawn” with a small 3 foor slope at the bottom…. can you see where this is going???
From the top of the lawn to the curb of the street.
Narrowly avoiding mom’s car parked on the street & trying to staunch the flow of blood from my palms, forearms and knees from “over-shooting” the landing pool and getting road-rash from the street.
June 16th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
Oh Cat, that sounds awful! And yet, I’m sure you went again and again. At least, we would have!
Sara, thank you! I love assigned readings/listenings. I just started listening :)
June 19th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
(glad the kitty is oK!)
and the boys will heal soon.
June 19th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
I briefly considered purchasing the triple for a party.. then i mentally reviewed teh amount of alcohol consumed at the last party and decided that once the kids were done playing safely with it, one of us adults would have a vodka induced collision