Sugared Harpy

Supa is a woman I adore.* Why, you ask?

Because even though she has a sick baby right now, she knew how important it was to post THIS:

1. Nostalgic Sesame Street DVD set coming in October.

Okay, that’s pretty damn cool. But, but, BUT, the one I am so PSYCHED about is this:

2. Fraggle Rock “theatrical release” AND sequel to “The Dark Crystal” are in the works.**

And? I love that Supa ever goes to a website called Muppet Central.

Supa, will you marry me?***

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*I am totally posting this without any expressed or implied persmission from Ms. Supafine. I am a rebel like that.

**Brian Froud, the creator of the muppets for “The Dark Crystal” is also the artist for my (and Anne’s, and Lindy’s) Faeries’ Oracle cards.

***Oh, right.

Dear reader who found my site googling, “Bl…

Wait a moment. Why do I watch television? What is this RepHresh stuff?

Question: Ladies, does your vagina smell like swampwater/sludge/drainpipe?

OF COURSE NOT.

Your vagina is fine.

Fine.

I haven’t been there myself but I’m telling you it’s fine. It smells fine.

If it doesn’t smell just fine then you either need a shower or you need to call the doctor. Period.

And that shower? Gentle washing is all you need.

Don’t douche, don’t cream it up, don’t RepHresh, don’t believe the patriarchal hype that your genitalia smells like the bottom of a garbage can and men’s genitalia smells like a bouquet of rose-scented balls. Please, everyone’s shit smells rank after a jog on a hot day.

If you don’t think it’s a patriarchy thing, then scan the drugstore aisles for ballsac cleansers, taint gels, or penis douches.

Uh, love,
Melissa

I shit you not.

I just heard that on a horrifying television show that Mike is gape-mouth staring at right now, “Last Bride Standing.”

These stupid women are getting lightheaded and sweating as they stand with their hand on a big cupcake wedding dress. They must not lose contact with the dress. At this point, they’re at 24 hours.

Oh god, now they are describing each of the women.

It’s all about weight and prettiness (Miss Thang has lost 50 pounds so far, and wants to lose 30 more to fit into the perfect dress–this woman is gorgeous right now).

OH MY GOD THEY’RE IN WHITE HEELS TOO!

So far, 24 hours in white heels touching a fucking wedding dress. The goal is to win the dress? Ugh.

When one woman…

NOW THEY ARE MAKING THEM STAND ON A 10-INCH WIDE BOX.

Okay, so when one woman lost contact with the cupcake dress because she was passing out, her supportive fiance vomits this gem,

“It means so much to me that she would sacrifice everything, even her health, to look good on our wedding day.”

*MOTHERFUCKING FUCK, NOW THEY HAVE TO HOLD A GARTER IN ONE HAND*

Ladies of the world, NO. Let’s just hand over our pride and intelligence, why don’t we, for fuck’s sake.

Stupidswooneyfaintingcouchcorsetwearingcupcakedress
nonvotingmanslavemotherfuckers.

Just, no, honey. NO.

It’s Nero.

Nero is sick again. Yesterday, he started trying to pee all over the house and I noticed blood coming from him. He’s been on the antibiotics for a week and a half and was improving nicely, and then this.

Off to the vet, where a fuzzy X-ray showed nothing. But he received an anti-inflammatory injection of some kind and a super-wowza seven-day course of more antibiotics.

The house is full of little litter pans with fishtank rocks in it (to not absorb his urine), Nero’s shedding a ton of fur, and a kitty urine sample is sitting in our refridgerator.

Yum.

I could make you a lovely pot of coffee if you stop by to visit…the cat urine taste is free.

These are the several faces of my nephew, Lake. He is a complex fellow, as you will see. And, scrumptious.

Here we see cautious exuberance. A testing out of what is acceptable in this place and what is, clearly, not.

Lake is now showing deep concern for the sanity of family members who refuse to quit bleating that incessant high-pitched sound directed toward him. Also, the peas.

Cookies!

The phrase you wanted was:
Prima Donna.

Not:
Pre-Madonna.

This took me a few seconds to figure out what the hell you meant with those words. But then, blech!

Thank you for refraining from ever using such horrific language again. If you happen to find yourself writing about the state of the hair bow, pre-Madonna and post-Madonna, then knock yourself out. But otherwise? No.

No, not here.*

Here, at Familyrelationships.org.uk/.

I know, so cool, yet OMG!!! time consuming and all job-like.

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*I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’m sorry. I will soon, or something.

In my inbox tonight, I found a spam email with the subject line:

“Butt Cautiously.”

Carry on.

Holy shit, people. My mom MADE these dolls when we were kids, for money. This has to be the exact pattern she used. She made the boy dolls anatomically correct by adding a stuffed tube of fabric for a mini-penis. Don’t you wish you were us?

I hope Anne starts kicking off her new site, Review Maven, very soon. I’m itchy to see what she’s watching.

She makes me itchy with my own new ideas. I’m killing the Daily Lunchbox because it’s just too damn time consuming. But don’t worry, there’s a replacement. And oh my, WordPress and Bluehost makes it too easy for me to unleash.

I’d like to unveil Penelope Room.

From the site:

Penelope Room is a new shopping blog for those who wear the shiniest of smartypants.

This is a collaborate project that searches for the art and literature that you want. Need a fabulous illustration for your kitchen or a living room painting that sparks conversation? Looking for a book that isn’t on the romance shelf? We’ve got you covered. Be sure to check in on Sundays for our No List. These are things you do not want, like anything by Thomas Kinkcade Painter of Light (TKPOT)…

We believe the best art and literature isn’t always the most expensive or the most demanding. Excellent art is being made everyday, on college campuses, basement computers, and in studio lofts. Edgy literature can be hundreds of years old to three-seconds new. We think your intelligence is sexy; your art and reading list should be too.

I’m inviting any of you who would like *cough* *ANNE*/*clears throat* *SARA* to assist as a regular contributor. I’ve already talked to my sister, Lindy, and she’s in. If you want to be a contributor, can you pretty please send me a short bio of yourself with your affirmative reply? Please reply affirmatively.