Things I Would Rather Do Instead of Writing Politicians about Stupid and/or Lacking Legislation
1) Fuck the hell out of Jon Stewart.
2) Look at the pretty pictures in my art history books, but not have to study them for a while. Maybe just roll around on top of the them. Fully clothed, you know, papercuts.
3) Sniff a new baby’s head. Or, chase down my two boys and see if they’ll let me sniff theirs for a while.
4) Listen to old school Beastie Boys or Red Hot Chili Peppers for a few hours.
5) Nap.
6) Make everyone tell Melissa at Suburban Bliss that she rocks so hard it makes the rest of us pale in comparison.
7) Fuck the hell out of Melissa at Shakespeare’s Sister. She is just so smart and funny.
8) Travel. Anywhere.
9) Plan my sister’s bridal shower and bachelorette party. High tea anyone?
10) Spend the day in bed with my husband. Sun pouring in, soft sheets, sex, sleep, and a baby cat nuzzling next to me.
Posted by Melissa on April 25th, 2006 under Married Once, Twice, Whatever, Observations, Spawn
April 26th, 2006 at 6:30 am
John Stewart?????
April 26th, 2006 at 8:19 am
John Stewart is cute and brilliant, but short. I never fantasize about short men, however witty, because I know I could suffocate them to death in a single loving embrace. No, it hasn’t actually happened ever, but I know anyway. Some things you don’t have to actually do before you are able to appreciate probable consequences. For example, it’s possible to know in advance that an almost universally unsupported pre-emptive war in Iraq might turn into a cluster-fuck. Just saying.
Similarly, despite a strong temptation, I have never rolled around on my art books because I hate the idea of breaking the bindings. But I have fallen asleep with my head between the pages, drooling on bad writing about Magritte while snoring gently in the direction of a glorious, color-drenched print of one of his masterpieces, for example.
Finally, what is it with cats not leaving the bed while you’re having sex? I had one cat who liked to sit on the pillow and watch. She’d wear what seemed like an undeniably clinical expression on her face, even tilting her tiny head to one side. I could practically see her taking notes. I nicknamed her “my little sexologist.”
And that’s way too much information for a Wednesday morning. Thanks for the therapy session. Send me a bill.
April 26th, 2006 at 10:39 am
As for JON Stewart (I can’t even spell his name right, apparently, sorry guys)…I work off of personality, looks are totally secondary. His television personality is working for me.
YES! The cat definitely has a clinical expression on his face. At least he sits on the corner of the bed and attempts to sleep. The other face he makes is that of sheer annoyance.
April 27th, 2006 at 7:29 am
Oh, yes, duh, JON not JOHN. I knew better, too. Sorry.
(Fortunately, I’m pretty sure he won’t care.)
And anyway, in case I wasn’t clear, that whole thing about shortness has nothing to do with looks or personality. It’s all about logistics. All my fantasies require a baseline of practicality before they can truly entice me. That’s probably kind of sad, but, well, there it is.
On the up side, it leaves me free to respect Jon, not objectify him. ;)
April 27th, 2006 at 7:35 am
Oh, and thank you for the other blogging Melissas. Here’s one more:
http://opinionistas.blogspot.com/
April 27th, 2006 at 8:48 am
Ah, I gotcha.
Although, Mike is 6′2″ and I’m pretty sure if I ever got Jon in the sack, I’d be all atwitter about the logistics of the change in body size.
April 28th, 2006 at 3:23 pm
I’m with you about starting with personality. In fact, I was insanely obsessed with the music geek from Beat the Geeks because his mind is so mighty. Looks not so much, but that’s because of the hair. OH THE HAIR!
Anyway, I’m with you on numbers 1, 3, 4, 5 & 8. Jon Stewart- yum!
For #2 I’d like to be at the actual museum/gallery seeing the art, but that could go along with #8 pretty well.
And I don’t think I’ve said it, but I really like your site lots. You’re always funny and that is what I need on an afternoon like today.