Google Smackdown Monday
Dear reader who found my site whilst googling, “got screwed by assembly of god,”
Who hasn’t? Dude, they have entire papers on their website of the sins of homosexuality, dating unbelievers, how infertile women should just be patient and beware of modern science, and how feminism is “an organized platform to degrade, bash, and hate men.” So yeah, we’ve all screwed by them.
Instead of a rant about how the Assembly of God church is a place where child molesters and creepy internet porn addicts congregate, I want to share the story of Bumbleland.
People, my sister is strange. Strange enough to see the neighborhood Assembly of God church and think “playground” and “spa.” She named the dirt slick off the church’s parking lot, “Bumbleland.”
Anne and I were sucked into the Bumbleland phenomenon and have never been the same since.
You see Bumbleland was a place named after the infestation of stinging bees. But lo, this did not dissuade my sister around age ten. She saw the potential in that bare dirt and sharp thorny bushes. She saw a slide, a slide steep and wonderous.
Thus, Anne and I found ourselves on more than one afternoon sliding, nay, tumbling à la Jack and Jill down a steep highway embankment on our asses. The landing strip was simply the bottom of the huge ditch, which luckily was lined with broken sticks. No cardboard protection underneath, no towel, nothing to protect our delicate skin. How does one explain a thousand scrapes and scratches and open wounds to one’s scary mother? One doesn’t. One lies and says their sister pushed them down again. Yes, and one gets away with it.
Oh, but Lindy saw more than Bumbleland and its slide.
She snuck us into the church. Where we, the heathen children of drunken divorced moms, ran through the circular building all the livelong day. But Lindy took this intrusion about a thousand steps farther.
She liked to take a soak in the hot tub.
And pray tell, where is there a hot tub in a church?
Yes, that’s it, in the baptismal pool.
And that, my friends, is how you get back at the church for screwing you.
Sincerely,
Melissa
4 Responses to “Google Smackdown Monday”
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February 7th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
I can’t quit laughing! We had such a blast!!! The spa was great, I say we do it again Sis :)
February 7th, 2006 at 2:31 pm
Yeay Lindy! What an intrepid, creative, wild child. I bet you guys are still the best of friends. How could you NOT be? heehee
February 7th, 2006 at 3:13 pm
I’m in, Lindy!
Lisa, Lindy is amazingly creative and wild but yet can outwardly appear docile at times. She is truly a genius. We are definitely still the best of friends.
February 7th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
Yes!
Bumbleland.
Rocks in yer ass all around!!!