When you Turn 20 and Never
Lauren at Feminste asked a fabulous question yesterday: “When Do You Stop Being a ‘Teen Mother“?
My comment was:
I had my son at 18 and am now (nearly) 30 and I STILL get those odd congratulatory comments.
Of course, there are those insulting comments, too. The ones that a person would never ask any other mother. I have my MA and work in a fabulous institution doing what I love, yet my mom’s new boyfriend asked if I was surprised I got to go to college. NO, I am not surprised. I MADE that happen because I was going to do it anyway. My brains didn’t go out with the placenta.
I also still get weird comments about how “great†it is that I didn’t choose abortion. I tend to be bitchy about it and remind people that had circumstances been different, I may not have chosen to parent and I’m happy that I had that choice.
I do get bitchy about it and I’m not apologetic, these are a stupid things to say to someone.
I went to college because I wanted to. Having a supportive partner allowed me to go when I did, but I would have gone at some point. And I would have graduated just the same. I had planned to go anyway, why on earth wouldn’t I go because I was a teen mom? Sure it’s harder, but my husband went away to school when he was fresh out of high school and his time at college was a hell of a lot harder than mine.
It IS great that I parented my boys. I chose that and I love it. But I am very aware that had I not been 18 and about to graduate, not had a supportive mom, not had a supportive boyfriend, and not felt I had a chance in hell to do this parenting thing - if any ONE of those things not been - I would have aborted.
And I would have been justified in that decision, because I could not have been coerced to parent if I had felt I didn’t have the resources.
Go check out the Carnival of Feminists 7 over at Feministe. Be sure to read “Gratutious Ass Shot,” which discusses the gaze of the straight female in comic books. Read about the portrayal of the lesbian community in the l-word in “the white/other binary in the l-word.” In “Dreamlife…and a Feminist Mommy,” a mother learns that her daughter’s new game of fluff and shopping serves an educational purpose. “Body Language” discusses the gender disparity in the exhibition “Body Worlds.” Don’t miss Abortion Clinic Days’ “Why Clinics?” to read a great answer to the question: Why do we need abortion CLINICS? Last but certainly not least, be sure to read “I am woman, see me wax,” a response to moronic Dear Carolyn advice.
Read the good stuff going down in feminism.
Posted by Melissa on January 19th, 2006 under Flaming Ovaries, Spawn
January 19th, 2006 at 9:18 pm
I completely agree with the shaving article. Shaving and plucking and wax is a big ole crock of shit. I don’t think its natural to shaving all the time. The hair is there for a reason, especially in the lady parts. I might trim, but I’m not shaving. I refuse to look like a prepubscent little girl and I really think that there is something wrong with any grown man that thinks that this is sexy. Its like having sex with a child,which is disgusting.
January 20th, 2006 at 9:30 am
Funny you should mention the Feministe piece. Tuesday, on my way to a Billionaires for Bush frolic on Boston Common, I was thinking of you as I listened to the very NPR piece Lauren updated her article to include.
I am so sick of people in this country being stupid about sex and reproduction and calling it morality. ARGGGH.
January 22nd, 2006 at 7:43 pm
I can’t believe people say those things to you! I would be pissed too.
But then again people can be really, really stupid so maybe I DO believe it. Years ago when I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, a woman told me that when she was four months pregnant (10 years prior), she had problems and almost lost the baby. She said, “Now THAT would have been a REAL tragedy.” WTF??!!!??? Yes. Say that to a woman who’s had to have a D&C five days prior. She was one of my clients so I couldn’t hit her with a baseball bat. Point is, there are alot of stupid people out there that obviously don’t think before they speak.
January 22nd, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Anne, yes, exactly. I’ve shaved and I hate the way it looks, the way it stops protecting my sensitive lady parts against abrasion, and the way it feels to grow back. I can trim wayyyy back if I like and that works, but I don’t like shaving. I’ve had conversations with my boys about shaving and they know that men and women can choose to shave anything they want but they never have to.
Sara, ugh, the morality thing pisses me off so much because it’s just implying that one can lord over another.
Lisa, how horrible that someone would ever say that to you! It was probably VERY hard not to whack her.